Me lose brain? Uh oh

I don't watch a lot of television. Years ago when I had my cable cut off I realized I could do quite well without it. And the few shows that I regularly watch are usually pretty intelligent. (usually, but not always. I mean, I do have a soft spot in my head for Video on Trial) Lately, since I've been staying with my mom, I've been catching up with The West Wing reruns on Bravo. It was never a show I made time for but I always found it interesting. What I've noticed lately as I've been following it is that it brings up a real antipathy about the relationship with my parents.

My folks have never understood me and if you've ever met me, you'd probably know that's not understandable. Aside from that, what really bothered me was that they couldn't encourage me unless it was those rare occassions when I fit the mold of the worker bee that they thought I should be. It really all boils down to one particular incident. When I was in third grade we had our IQ tests done. I didn't know it at the time and wouldn't find out until I was in my 20's that I tested at genius level. This made me very angry. Why? Because if I had known that I was severely gifted I would have known that there wasn't anything wrong with me and that in time I would jettison the cruel simpletons that tortured me on a daily basis and be able to do something smart and astounding with my life. (Like be a presidental advisor in the west wing, for example)

What I got instead was a point blank directive at me from my parents that I wasn't any better than anyone else. Okay, maybe I wasn't a better person (although I might argue that one) but I was certainly more intelligent than them. So instead, not being encouraged, I put my quest for knowledge on auto pilot and did the least amount of effort I needed to stay with the pace of my peers from fourth grade through college. Don't get me wrong, I could still devour a non-fiction book in a day(still can and do) but the drive for school based learning, as in being at the top of my class, was abated. I got tired of being called a freak by those around me because I was smarter so I started playing dumb. It made me slightly more appealing. (It still works, by the way.) Trust me, no matter what anyone says, nobody likes a smart individual. (well, i do, but consider the source.)

It's probably true that I wouldn't want to work in the west wing (I'm more creative than political) but I would've like the opportunity to turn down the idea for myself, not being told that I wasn't smart enough to pursue it. So, every morning as I strain to hear the amphetamine dialogue on the show and my mom offers insights such as "It's sunny" or "The world is a crummy place" I try to ignore her with disdain and realize that nothing has changed since I was a kid. Well, actually everything's changed to me.

But not to her.